So, about a week ago I had a crazy dream. I was in some strange place just looking around, trying to pretend I was supposed to be there and trying to figure out why I was. All of the suddy, this dude over at the side started screaming. Like really freakin’ out screaming. The dude was getting turned into a ninja turtle, and obviously it was excruciatingly painful. I didn’t really stick around after his skin started to get shiny green and his head got big and rubbery. I ran up this big set of stairs and out onto the street. Way later on in the dream, I told Marshmallow Pete about this crazy thing I witnessed, and he was all, “Dude, I know that guy! Every thing’s cool.” So I asked him why the guy had made the transformation into a talking turtle, and he explained that the dude had boughten some Colgate that was obviously a bad batch and it screwed him up. So, he wrote the company all pissed off, they sent him some new tooth paste and every thing’s cool now. He’s a turtle man with clean teeth.

Later on, me and MP are at some museum in Chicago or something and we get locked in. Then, a bunch of dinosaurs run in and start attacking us. I’m ninja kicking these lizards and MP is krakatoaing the crap out of some dinos, but there’s not enough karate chops in him or kicks in me to fight off a gang of raptors. Luckily, Marshmallow Pete’s ninja turtle friend shows up and nun chucks em.

-RYAN